Samantha and her husband were excited to give their almost-two-year-old daughter a sibling. In 2023, she became pregnant right away. But then she began bleeding.
An initial ultrasound left uncertainty about whether the pregnancy could survive. A later scan detected cardiac activity, bringing some relief. But the bleeding continued, and Samantha grew increasingly anxious.
For weeks, she tried to manage it with intermittent bed rest. Sometimes the bleeding was so heavy she could not use the bathroom without blood getting on the floor. Scans showed that the cardiac activity was not progressing as expected, then became very weak.
Eventually, it became clear the pregnancy would not result in a healthy baby. Samantha was grieving, bleeding, and worrying about her own health. Yet because cardiac activity remained, she could not receive treatment to end the pregnancy unless her life was at risk.
“When it became clear the pregnancy was not going to result in a healthy baby, I became scared that it would impact my future fertility, or even my life.”
Being able to endure the bleeding did not mean she was well. She was doing what she could to get through each day while waiting for a pregnancy she wanted to end in loss.
It took 33 days from the start of her bleeding for cardiac activity to stop.
“I was heartbroken to lose the baby I wanted, and having to go through weeks of bleeding and monitoring made the experience terrifying and traumatic.”
“I will carry the pain of this experience forever.”
The experience stayed with Samantha long after those weeks ended. It was both the loss of her baby and the fear she carried while waiting for care. She eventually welcomed a healthy baby. She is grateful, but that joy does not erase the earlier loss.
Samantha shares her story because she wants people to understand how Idaho’s abortion ban affected her care. Even after it became clear her baby would not survive, she continued suffering and waiting because cardiac activity remained–even though they knew the outcome. She wants others to understand that enduring a medical crisis is not the same as receiving the care they need.
For her, timely care would not have changed the loss of her baby. It could have changed how much fear and suffering accompanied it.
“I will carry the pain of that experience forever.”
